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Bumper sticker, you’re it!

December 21, 2009

About a month and half ago, I found a heavy-duty magnet that has a quote about peace on it.  Peace is written in much larger letters than the rest of the quote.  Because I found it while right outside my car, I put the magnet on my trunk.  During that time, I have been citizen-arrested (not kidding,) followed aggressively by a BMW with their high beams on, had a horn blared at me a couple times, and had people driving more aggressively around me, generally speaking.  Okay, so the point.  I have heard that people with bumper stickers, and a lot of them, tend to be more aggressive drivers.  But, given my circumstances, I believe that having a bumper sticker may cause people to drive more aggressively toward you.  Just a feeling.  So, will I be forced to remove my statement about peace to avoid more harrassment, or will I treat this like a social experiment?  Social experiment ON.



December 2, 2009

So, I finally hunkered down and signed up for Netflix.  And, really, one of the best decisions I ever procrastinated making.  (I love watching my old favorite movies the most.)  With the magic that is Netflix, I have been able to catch up on seasons and seasons of awesome shows I missed.  My current serial addiction is 30Rock.  It’s a classy show that gets by mostly on making fun of everything and everyone.  During the last show I watched, Liz Lemon was talking about self-actualization aka the ability of people to pursue what makes them happy.  And even though she was making a big joke of it, see above, it was a lightbulb moment for me…that’s it! I thought.  A simple way to explain why I’m not content with my life as is.  I want to be self-actualized.  Plain and simple.  I want to be fulfilled.  I want to do something worthy.  I want to feel good about my work and about my life.  I want to be filled with purpose.  SELF-ACTUALIZATION. 

I’ll just have to keep dreaming.

Full of fire.

November 18, 2009

There’s a restless feelin’ in my bones an’ I know,
That at times, it just won’t go away.
But the one thing I know: that when I, I turn out the light,

Visions of you, dear, dance in the night.
I’ve been put down, pushed around, apprehended and led downtown.

Can’t help it if I’m full of fire.
An’ I can’t help it if I’m out of sight,
‘Cause I’m restless tonight.

Sometimes lyrics just fit you to a T and right now, these paint the best picture.  I’m full of fire in a city that’s fired up…and more times than not I’m pushed to the point of punches.
Maybe it’s because everyone is struggling and everyone is having a hard time….we’re like bees in a hive without honey and we’re stinging mad.  But, I just can’t live like this.  I need to be calm.  I need to be collected.  I need peace. 

Peaces comes from within, but maybe I’m all out.

No penis = no tip.

November 3, 2009

Welcome to this installment of customer service, the patriarchy, and you.  And, how two of the three just suck more and more every day.  AND…just for you, I will provide a real life example!

On Friday, I went to a local sports bar with a small group of people.  We travelled separately, so at first, it was me and two other guys.  Once seated at the table,  the waitress asks us our drink order.  Of course, she starts with the guys who ask what beers are on special, what beers are available, is the beer good quality, what is the beer made from, on and on, and 5 million questions later, their order is placed.  I, the last to order, know exactly what I want.  I ask for a shot of vodka, a shot of Bailey’s, and a shot of Kahlua.  With ice.  In a glass.  Pretty simple, I think.  She looks at me as if I have horns, and walks off.  She brings the drinks back, sits them down, then walks off.  She doesn’t ask if we’re going to order, if we’re going to wait until the others come, nothing.  The bar is moderately busy, but not enough to be rude. 

She finally makes her reappearance and asks if we’d like to order.  Now, before she appeared, Guy #1 and #2, had settled on ordering two appetizers.  When she asked if they would like to order, the suddenly became dumbfounded…should we order, should we wait, oh wait, what did we want to get?  Of course, I think, CHRIST.  So, she leaves with the order.  The next time she returns, she touches Guy #1’s back, and asks if everything is okay, then makes eye contact with Guy #2.  Maybe she said something to me in passing, I can’t remember.

Appetizers and the rest of the group arrive.  When everyone is settled, the waitress comes back to the get the food order.  She stands at the head of the table near Guy #3 and obtains the orders.  After everyone places their order, she says, oh, did you need the check to be split?  Guy #2 says, well, I have a $50 gift certificate, so it might be better to split it.  I agree with this, especially since I have no cash.  Guy #3, who inevitably has to flirt with anything that is thin with any kind of T/A, says, oh, whatever is easiest for you.  She says, well, I already took your order as a group, so it will be easier not to split the check.  At this moment, my hackles of anger begin to go up.  I mumble under my breath, sweetie, it’s not what is easiest for you, it’s what makes sense for your customers.  And, I’m definitely pissed at Guy #3, who I already don’t like, for using my check as an opportunity to hit on a girl. 

Guys #1, 2, and 3 are finished with their drinks and the waitress comes to see if they would like another drink.  In the process, she makes sure to touch each one in some manner and then take their old glass.  I have finished my drink and put the glass at the end of the table.  It remains at the end of the table, and I am not asked for another drink.  Strike 2.

It seems as if the food might be coming soon, so we begin to stack plates and try to clear the table.  The waitress comes to take care of refills and touch the menz, but can’t be bothered to clear the appetizers, the plates, or my glass.  Instead, the waitress bringing out our food has to do this.  Strike 3.  By now, I’m so irritated with the service, I’m willing to make a scene to have my check split so that I can tip the waitress poorly.  So, I write down everything I ordered on a napkin and call her over to my end of the table.  I explain that I have no cash and that I would like to have a separate check.  She gives me the spoiled brat look, then asks if I want it now or later.  I say that I will be ordering nothing else, so it’s up to her.  As she walks away, Guy #1 says, oh she must be saying bitch under breath at you right now.  I say, well, good, because bitch has been on my lips all night against her. 

The night continues with her great service to the menz and poor service to the females, particularly me.  But I think it’s safe to say at this point, she knows we’re not friends and never will be.  I leave a $2 tip on a $13.47 bill.  Night over, with my shooter glass STILL on the table.

So, let’s unpack the suitcase:

1) The waitress immediately gives preferential treatment to the guys at the table.  Maybe because I was outnumbered?  To say what her action plan would have been if there were two girls and one guy is questionable.  I believe she would have still given special treatment to the guy.  I also believe she assumes I am with Guy #1 or 2.  Stupid assumption on her part.

2) The waitress’ pattern of giving the guys special treatment, followed by the creepy touching, let me know that she thought if she treated the guys just right, she’d get a bigger tip.  Which, let’s be honest, probably works.   Then, she probably thought I was with one of the guys, so it didn’t matter how she treated me.  But, after I made it clear to her that I pay my own bills, and she was serving me and only me, she still couldn’t be bothered to give me good service.  (BTW: Maybe she should have waited until I said I was paying my own check before she started touching what could have been my boyfriend.  Angry girlfriends don’t go over well.) Stupid move on her part (Moves 1 and 2.)

And to wrap it up, 3) The above story clearly illustrates all the fatal falls of the customer service industry.  First, customer service is a joke these days.  It’s hard to find a serviceperson who knows how to do their job and understands that their first job is to make the customer happy.  I go to a restaurant for the experience, not just the food (which I do expect to be good.)  I expect to be treated well, have my order fulfilled correctly, and not  be rushed out the door.  2nd.  I expect to be treated just as well as my male counterparts.  A male should not be given more attention, or better service because he may pay the check (BTW: Guess ms. waitress forgets that in some relationships, the woman has an influence on the guy and the tip he leaves,) or that he may tip you more.  This is blatantly a dumb strategy.  Instead, give good service, equally, and make sure all needs are satisfied.   BUT, this would be too easy.  Because if you only serve half the table, hoping that a) no one will notice and still tip you well, or b) a poor tip left by those neglected will be negated by the better tippers, you can be a little lazy.  Talk with your friends.  Flirt with the bouncers and waiters.  Dance to the music.  Guess so, if that’s your MO.

But, as for me, I believe in good service.  I also believe in tipping well, especially for good service.  So, waitress Lauren, let me explain a few things to you.  When I was at  your bar on Friday night, I was serving as a DD, so no, I didn’t run up the tab.  But, I did order a meal and a drink.   I could have left you a nice tip if you had done a good job.   Hell, I went out to eat the other day and gave the guy a 30% tip just because he got my order right and didn’t charge me more for a slice of cheese.   But, guess my extra $2 isn’t worth it.  Or the fact that when I go back to your restaurant, I will request another waitress.  Or I will go directly to the bar to order my drinks and give the tips to the bartender. ORRRR…better yet, I may never come back to your establishment again, which will cost the owner money.  Kind of that trickle up philosophy.  So, see Lauren, your bitchy, I’ll-do-what-I-want attitude costs us all.  And sadly, the guys, who perpetrate this mentality via ‘the patriarchy’ don’t even have a clue what is going on.  Or, they do, and the use it to their advantage, which is even more disturbing.

So, maybe everyone thought I was a bitch Friday night.  But I’m so sick of the status quo and this system, that I just had to stand up for myself.  I just can’t deal with this attitude anymore.  Just because I don’t have a penis doesn’t mean I’m less than.  TAKE THAT LAUREN, and here’s a sexist insult back at you…suck my clit!

Say what you need to say.

October 23, 2009

This week, I was given a diatribe of 50 one liners meant to be positive and upbeat.  Instead it all just came off as elitist, privileged bullshit.  The paper was handed out to boost the spirits of me and my coworkers  in the wake of an announcement that we may lose our jobs.  I believe in hope and perserverance.  But I also believe in keeping the shit short –being honest and straightforward.  And, really, I just wish that everyone could be bothered to do that, about everything. Sentences like, ‘I think you’re an asshole.’ ‘I don’t like you.’ ‘I think you’re stupid.’ ‘I just can’t stand you.’ ‘What’s your problem?’ ‘Stop being a douchebag.’ Instead, people, myself included, go around backs and whisper.  This is the way we were raised.  ‘If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it all.’  ‘Be nice.’  ‘Kill them with kindness.’  ‘Keep the peace.’  ‘Don’t rock the boat.’ And my favorite, ‘SMILE.’   Well, I’m sorry.  Life isn’t always sunshine and roses.  Sometimes it gets messy.  Sometimes people piss you off.  And sometimes misunderstandings occur.  If you have something to say, just say it.  If I’m going to lose my job in 30 days, just f’ing say it.  If you have a problem with me, get in my face, and SAY IT.  Again, maybe it’s because we’ve all been raised to be polite, to keep calm, and told ‘no fighting.’  But, I just don’t see this as a good strategy.  Being nonconfrontational just stresses everyone out and things blow up or just fall apart.  Shouldn’t we all just deal with it?  Gossiping about it, or even worse,tattletelling, is not solving any problem.   Just DEAL WITH IT.

Obviously, I’m going through some tough times right now.  Including some past problems that have reared their ugly heads.  But, really, I’m just tired of the social structures that we operate by.  I feel like I have 500 hamsters running overtime on their wheels in my head.  And, I just want it all to stop.


Fat baby.

October 20, 2009

 If I had a chair in my room to stand on last night, I would have climbed on it and clapped for 10 minutes.  Thank you Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. for having Amy Farrell on your show and talking some sense about the “obesity epidemic.”  And thank you, Ms. Farrell for using finger quotes when you said obesity epidemic.  Kudos to you both!


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Miss the pull of your heart…

October 19, 2009

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what’s next
Make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet,
perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water, if i could tell you what’s next,
make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I can taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God
when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Singin’ shalala la
Singin’ shalala la

Come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

(come on get higher, loosen my lips)It’s all wrong
(faith and desire at the swing of your hips)It’s all wrong
(just to pull me down hard and drown me in love)It’s all right

So, come on, get higher
Come on, get higher
‘Cause everything works love
Everything works in your arms