i <3 Micheal Buble

I will never get tired of saying how much I love him, or how much I love this song…it’s HOPEFUL in a hopeless world……LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM.

Now that I can photosynthesize again….

It’s been a LONG winter.  L O N G.  For that reason, I pretty much gave up on anything that didn’t involve showing up at work (barely), cleaning snow off my car, and sleeping.  Sometimes I think I must have been a hibernating bear or rodent in a past life.  Anyway.  So, guess it’s time to recap.  I still miss Conan. Like bad.  And I’ll travel to Cleveland, Columbus, or even further to go see his show.   I am enjoying all the new shows on ABC and NBC, but still loving my old standby,  The Office.   And CHUCK….I love him, and want to find me a real life Chuck to make fall in love with me!   CBS may have the best ratings, but only because the people who really, really watch TV are old and enjoy stupid, played-out, overdramatic crime and doctor dramas.   And the saddest news: Hulu didn’t renew their contract with Viacom, so the Daily Show and Colbert Report aren’t available any longer.  Terrible.  Of course, I can go to comedycentral.com.  But I’m habitual and lazy, let’s be honest.

Hmm…what else.  I haven’t heard anything from my citizen’s arrest, knock on wood.  I also haven’t gotten anything back from Papermate.  As far as my peace bumper sticker, I can report that it seems to have garnered more trouble than I’ve ever had before.  I got into a verbal fist fight on my street after the blizzard because of a parking spot.  I’ve had trouble with people aggressively tailgating me (maybe to read my bumper?!)  People cut me off and are super competitive in parking spots.  I also feel myself becoming quite the instigator in response to all the above situations.  In the fight on the street, I really just stood up for myself, but afterwards I did give out some non-verbal, shove off communication that probably wasn’t necessary.  The tailgating brings out the worst in me.  Mostly because I’m already going the speed limit, and you want me to go faster??? F-off!  So I slow down, sometimes below the speed limit.  Which pisses them off more.  I’ve even pulled off the road in response.  Which tailgaters shouldn’t be happy about, because that means I can get your license plate number.    And in the parking lot…well, let me tell you what I did just recently.  Someone drove by me, saw that I was getting in my car, put their car in reverse and parked behind me like a vulture waiting for me to leave.  I HATE when people do that.  Absolutely hate it.  Especially when you have driven behind me, then back up to wait.  That was an accident that miraculously didn’t happen.  So screw you if you think you’re getting my spot.  It would be different if the lot was completely full, but it wasn’t.  It took 3 minutes before the jerk realized I wasn’t leaving the spot and gave up their vulture status.  As soon as they cleared my path, I immediately put the car in reverse and left the space.  So maybe I’m becoming an asshole myself.  We’ll see what summer and summer travel brings.

What else?  Well, work is quite the challenge.  Things are changing in a big way as far as contracts and what job I may or may not have as of May 3.  There’s a lot of corporate bullying going on, aka., let’s see how much we aren’t going to pay you to do a job, just because we think we can.  We’ll see how that works out for them.  As for me, I don’t really know what choice I’m going to make because there are so many variables.  But if I’ve learned anything from my life, you never know what can happen, so it’s really just so much easier to play it by ear. 

The health care bill frenzy and ridiculousness has left me speechless.  More than anything, I’m terrified.  Not only by what it takes to get a bill passed, but how short-sighted and selfish people can be. 

As for everything else, life is good.  I had the opportunity to catch up with some long-lost friends, which was super nice.  And, I’m really anxious to have my own space. I’m caught up in what colors to choose, what art do I want to have around, what kitchen utensils will I need, etc…..even before I have the space.  Which is funny because I’m about 9 months away from that dream, but again, WE’LL SEE.  Can’t complain too much….I’m still able to pay all the bills!  Knock on wood…haha.

YAY FOR SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!

Take that, Papermate!

Yesterday morning tried my patience, to say the least.  A road was kind of closed – the guys doing the work weren’t smart enough to close off the road, but there was no way around them, so I had to back up a hill and turn around.  Stupid.  So, of course, I was late for work.  Then, I was informed that my company has decided to go all out big brother and blocked half of the internet.  Because we’re small five-year olds and we may do/see something that will hurt them or us, right?  Asses.  (My biggest gripe is that they blocked all financial institutions, so I can’t look at my bank website.  How am I going to know how much money I have now?)  I start work and try to calm down.  I almost succeed until I try to use a pen that I bought a few months ago, the Papermate G-Force (maybe the name should have given it away, but it looked like a nice pen!)  When I first bought the pen, it worked okay.  Now, it’s just a PITA and most of the time a POS.  It’s inconsistency is perfectly consistent.  Well, the pen got to me yesterday.  I got violent with the pen, forcefully scribbling on a piece of blank paper.  It refused to cooperate.  I said enough.  I went to Papermate’s website (which wasn’t blocked….what IT dept., doesn’t this break one of your many, many rules???) to leave a nasty comment.  But, on their “contact us” page, they gave a physical address.  AH HA!  I will send this POS back to them!  So, using their crappy pen, I wrote a letter,  that clearly explained my frustrations.  Then I demanded a refund.   So what if it was only a few bucks?   I EARN my money and I can’t waste it on crap that you make, convince me to buy, and then spend every day getting frustrated because it doesn’t work!  TRY AGAIN. 

Can you tell I’m just over every corporation out there?  DOWN WITH THE MAN.

But for the grace of God….

[yes, this is me holding a stick, yes, that's a dead horse, and yes, I'm going to start beating it]

About a week ago, I posted this episode of the Daily Show on my FB:

I watched in disbelief as they showed clips of blowhards spouting off about people getting what they deserve.  Then my heart welled with pride as Jon Stewart stuck it to them by quoting scriptures on compassion and mercy.   But then I thought, well, that’s just those crazies on tv, especially those assholes at FOX news, who think this way.  No one I know would think that way.  No doubt in my mind.  So, how shocked was I when I wrote an email to my mother, and said, doesn’t it make you feel horrible to complain about your life when they had it so hard BEFORE the earthquake?  And, she responded, yes, but even in the Bible horrible things happened during good and bad times, to good and bad people.  So, what does that mean, mom?  Because horrible things happened in the Bible, it’s no big deal?  Are you trying to rationalize it in a, oh-shit-happens kind of way?  Or are you just trying to stifle the feeling that we really have it TOO good?  Then I sit down with my older friend as she is watching the late night news a few days ago.  She makes the most ignorant, selfish comments (God is cursing them, etc., etc.) about the situation, then states well, we’ve done enough.  I feel my blood thickening and rising to my face as I respond to each comment.  Her comments anger me so much, I just want to leave.  Slam the door and leave.  But I sit there and swallow my rage.  It has bothered me since then.  I rehash the conversation and think, how could anyone feel that way?  How could anyone be so cold and hateful?

 

In the past few years, I’ve had experience with crisis.  Limited experience.  Never near death, never destitute.  But for me, it was enough to realize that life is up to chance.  No amount of good living, good choices, or positive thinking can save you when life decides to throw  you on your ass.  [Sidebar: the recent coup involving Conan O'Brien made me feel a hell of a lot better, because if someone with that much talent and respect can be fired, well, then I guess what happened to me wasn't so bad.  And even he could only say, I've been so blessed, work hard and be kind.] Bottom line, life isn’t fair.   Social responsibility isn’t about being fair, it’s about being just and honorable.  So what if you’ve worked hard for your money and the person in need hasn’t?  Get over yourself, and hope someone takes compassion if/when crisis strikes you.   You think it’s not fair that someone with physical and/or mental handicaps gets a break while you have to bust your ass?  Well, how fair is it that you were born and have developed without a hitch — up to this point, mind you?  How fair is it that you were born in this country, instead of one that has poor political or economic conditions?  You are aware that you are one job loss, one car accident, one natural disaster, or one diagnosis of cancer away from being in the same boat as all those poor, homeless people you detest so much, right?  And if you really believe in reaping and sowing, karma, whatever, then get ready.  Remember the seven deadly sins?  Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony?  Connect the dots.  As far as I see it, we’ll be needing the compassion and mercy more than could be imagined.

 

I believe in practicing social responsibility.  I believe that we should try to understand our privilege and strive to level the playing field accordingly.  I believe in exercising compassion and mercy while I can in hopes that the next time I’m down on my luck, someone will return the favor.   

 

Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:  Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.  Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?  When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?  Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

 

Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:  For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:  I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.  Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?  Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.  And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.    Matthew 25:34-46

Peace.

My finest work.

I will now repeat one of the truest, most sincere, and perhaps, cleverest things I have ever said:

I’d like to kick Jay Leno’s chin off and shove it up NBC’s butt.

Can’t wait to see what Conan O’Brien will do next!!!

<3 Coco.

Redheaded stepchild.

I just wanted to say Conan O’Brien is a stand up guy.  For real. That is all.

….on a street of broken dreams.

It’s hard to believe we’re already six days into 2010.  Forget that, it’s hard to believe it’s even 2010.  But it’s here and we can’t send it back!  I don’t believe in making resolutions, but the optimism of a new year is hard to resist.  It’s so tempting to say, this is going to be MY year, or this is going to be the year I start/stop x, y or z.  I do have things I want to accomplish, but they were already deep-seeded into my head by mid-2009.  The most significant thought I had between Christmas and the end of 2009 was be present.  I think one of the worst things you can do is spend too much time regretting the past and/or worrying about the future.  It’s the greatest disservice you can do to yourself.    That’s when accidents happen, when depression sets in, or when you just forget to turn off things, and then panic all day about it!  So, that’s my pursuit, to be present.  I can’t be overly bothered about the fast or future.  I need to be here, in the now.   Maybe it’s a resolution, but I think I can manage this one.  Take that, 2010!!!

Bumper sticker, you’re it!

About a month and half ago, I found a heavy-duty magnet that has a quote about peace on it.  Peace is written in much larger letters than the rest of the quote.  Because I found it while right outside my car, I put the magnet on my trunk.  During that time, I have been citizen-arrested (not kidding,) followed aggressively by a BMW with their high beams on, had a horn blared at me a couple times, and had people driving more aggressively around me, generally speaking.  Okay, so the point.  I have heard that people with bumper stickers, and a lot of them, tend to be more aggressive drivers.  But, given my circumstances, I believe that having a bumper sticker may cause people to drive more aggressively toward you.  Just a feeling.  So, will I be forced to remove my statement about peace to avoid more harrassment, or will I treat this like a social experiment?  Social experiment ON.

Self-actualization.

So, I finally hunkered down and signed up for Netflix.  And, really, one of the best decisions I ever procrastinated making.  (I love watching my old favorite movies the most.)  With the magic that is Netflix, I have been able to catch up on seasons and seasons of awesome shows I missed.  My current serial addiction is 30Rock.  It’s a classy show that gets by mostly on making fun of everything and everyone.  During the last show I watched, Liz Lemon was talking about self-actualization aka the ability of people to pursue what makes them happy.  And even though she was making a big joke of it, see above, it was a lightbulb moment for me…that’s it! I thought.  A simple way to explain why I’m not content with my life as is.  I want to be self-actualized.  Plain and simple.  I want to be fulfilled.  I want to do something worthy.  I want to feel good about my work and about my life.  I want to be filled with purpose.  SELF-ACTUALIZATION. 

I’ll just have to keep dreaming.

Full of fire.

There’s a restless feelin’ in my bones an’ I know,
That at times, it just won’t go away.
But the one thing I know: that when I, I turn out the light,

Visions of you, dear, dance in the night.
I’ve been put down, pushed around, apprehended and led downtown.

Can’t help it if I’m full of fire.
An’ I can’t help it if I’m out of sight,
‘Cause I’m restless tonight.

Sometimes lyrics just fit you to a T and right now, these paint the best picture.  I’m full of fire in a city that’s fired up…and more times than not I’m pushed to the point of punches.
Maybe it’s because everyone is struggling and everyone is having a hard time….we’re like bees in a hive without honey and we’re stinging mad.  But, I just can’t live like this.  I need to be calm.  I need to be collected.  I need peace. 

Peaces comes from within, but maybe I’m all out.